Motherhood

No one tells you how hard it is……

Well, they tell you but does any mother to be actually believe them? 

Or is it something you don’t know until you experience it? 

You can’t know how hard motherhood is until you are in it. Until you hold that small fragile bundle of preciousness, feeling the weight, the responsibility of life in your hands. 

You can’t know the long nights, the zombie, dog tired days until you feel it. 

You don’t know how your nerves will strain and threaten to snap as that shrill shriek reaches the highest pitch for the umpteenth time in the last hour. 

You don’t know how you will hold the puke in your throat as you wipe the poop that exploded from the diaper right up to midback. 

You would never dream that you are capable of the murderous thoughts that come in to your mind when the love of your life interferes with naptime. 

It brings me to my knees….it pushes all my cracks until I scream…..and I realize that this is the point of all hard things. To crush my pride, break my independence. 

To bring me near….to bring God near and have him fill our cracks with grace.

To have me cry for him and for him to fill that need. 

For him to show up and give me strength to love when I least expect it. 

And as I continue on, rising in the wee hours of the night, sucking the snot out of noses that can’t blow themselves. 

As we continue on….

As mothers 

We know….

I know that it’s all worth it….

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Thoughts for a New Year 

As I walk through my life, this new wife, new mother life. As the days aproach 2018, three words have been swirling in my head, like a gentle snow blown by a soft wind. 

SAVOUR….SEE….SURRENDER….

SAVOUR Christ. 

SAVOUR the cross.

SAVOUR your forgivenness, your justification and daily sanctification worked out by Jesus in you

SAVOUR the grace poured out daily for you when you can’t even give grace to yourself.  

Then look up and 

SEE….

SEE the people….

SEE God’s image bearers. 

       Fulfill your name..

  Jessica….

God

 SEES….

Ignore subtle hints of what this person’s motive might be or what evil intent that other person might have….and just

 SEE them…human being…

Sit down and listen, ask questions…

 SEE them, beautiful, messy, needy of grace just as you are. 

SURRENDER….

SURRENDER your need to earn God’s favour and rest that it’s already yours

SURRENDER your son to his heavenly Father. 

SURRENDER the hope of a clean house, leave that anxiety when things don’t get done and rest in the Savior….

SURRENDER the hope in money, things, time to yourself, and hope in Christ…

SURRENDER the hope of a perfect Instagram, worthy body and give thanks for the beautiful, mother marked temple. 

SURRENDER, lay down your defenses and trust…….

These arent resolutions.  Those tend to end up failures or another tick on the list of my self righteousness. 

Instead they are prayers….knowing that they aren’t even my own ideas with out my Saviour in me. 

So as I enter the new year, I will pray…

Pray these prayers listed above….and rest in the fact that God holds me.