No one tells you how hard it is……
Well, they tell you but does any mother to be actually believe them?
Or is it something you don’t know until you experience it?
You can’t know how hard motherhood is until you are in it. Until you hold that small fragile bundle of preciousness, feeling the weight, the responsibility of life in your hands.
You can’t know the long nights, the zombie, dog tired days until you feel it.
You don’t know how your nerves will strain and threaten to snap as that shrill shriek reaches the highest pitch for the umpteenth time in the last hour.
You don’t know how you will hold the puke in your throat as you wipe the poop that exploded from the diaper right up to midback.
You would never dream that you are capable of the murderous thoughts that come in to your mind when the love of your life interferes with naptime.
It brings me to my knees….it pushes all my cracks until I scream…..and I realize that this is the point of all hard things. To crush my pride, break my independence.
To bring me near….to bring God near and have him fill our cracks with grace.
To have me cry for him and for him to fill that need.
For him to show up and give me strength to love when I least expect it.
And as I continue on, rising in the wee hours of the night, sucking the snot out of noses that can’t blow themselves.
As we continue on….
I know that it’s all worth it….