“All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose”*, I keep telling myself.
In the mail today I received my race confirmation for the Twin Cities marathon.
A race I hoped to run.
But as I carry out my every day life, I know there is no way I could run it.
Every day my tendinitis in my ankle still flares up even though I stopped running to help it heal.
I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am pushing it to hard. Why can’t I run???? Why???
Even as I ask those questions I remind myself with promises and answers.
Every day I struggle with a skewed body image and when I ran the Minneapolis Marathon earlier this summer, I trusted in my intense running schedule to keep my body at a fitness level that my brain deemed as “perfect” and “skinny enough”
Please don’t get me wrong, I love running but I end up idolizing it and trusting it instead of God.
I don’t know exactly why I can’t run right now. I don’t know why that my ankle keeps bothering me, but I know that without running I have to rely on God to take care of my body. I have to trust that God will still love me if my running muscles aren’t as strong as I think they should be. Without running God is teaching me to trust that He accepts me unconditionally. I don’t have to do anything! There is nothing that I can do that will make him love me cause he already does to the utmost!!!
The problem is that I know these truths in my head but I needed this injury to help me get them cemented in my head.
Will I always remember that God loves me? No!
Will I never idolize my body after my ankle heals? Probably not.
But I know that through this time God is working all thing together for good.
I may not see it fully yet but God will never let me down.
I know He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Thanks for reading